hello blog long time no see:) happy new year to you.. today i am gg to tell you my story. it goes like this...

i used to have a bunch of friends.. hmm i can say weird but great friends. its a big clique consist of 8 people. who love each other so much that we are so sensitive towards each other in the sense of getting hurt by what whoever said or did.

as we grow older, we all changed. good or bad, its up to nobody to judge us. but our tolerance instead of growing stronger, it weaken. its weird right? we split-ted. 4-4. all of us found those who are more suitable for themselves.

we started going out in groups of 4 except on occasions. we dont ask people from other grp out as a whole. we did happy things without one another. hence, the group of 4 grew stronger and stronger. it felt like it aint gonna break EVER. i am one of them. we hid things from them. we go overseas happily without them. as a whole of 4, we feel we are so complete without the rest.

one day.. its my 19th birthday. they found out about us. the scene was awkward. it was at Ion's Fish & Co. to get out of awkwardness, all of us put our masks on. then at night we all parted. the 4 of us thinking shit, we are dead meat. how are we suppose to ans them. i forgot what's our conclusion. but we shall face the other 4 together. as ONE.

the day came... the day when they confronted us bout the overseas issue. we got all sorts of shit. all sorts of complaints, all sorts of unhappiness. they said they felt left out, they felt hurt, they felt pain. we feel them. we were a bit guilty. we apologize. then from that day onwards, things didnt go better.. some of them went overseas tgt. we quarrel, we fight, we cried, we loved, we understands, we dont mean our words. and we gather... we sets a date every month where all of us are to meet together. we were suppose to get better, but we didnt. not all made the effort. at some point of time, a few got attached.. and that's the rise of the other problem...

she wanted to bring her gf in our clique. she meant good, but causes many many misunderstandings. we met, we discussed, we came up with conclusions.. all in all we went out a few times together.. but all did not work well. and the limit came. all of us met up with the gf to have a talk. we cried, we hugged, we forgave, we loved, we fight, we quarreled. and all was well again with the gf and everyone else.. we thought so. things happen straight after.

then its my turn. i was in love. with one of them. all of us are complicated. and i was busy. with work. lots of stress, too little sleep and nobody understands. at first they compromise.. then they couldnt anymore. and bonds between me and the other 3 is breaking because of a piece of paper. i was lost. i didnt handle it well.. i was breaking. the 4 of us tried gg out once together. and the storm begins. they got something held against me ever since the incident. and we never got better. she stood by me, the other fight for me. but we got worse. all 8 of us got unhappy with each other. in the end, the 8 of us split. some are disappointed with each other, some are angry with each other. i said stuffs that i dont mean it. even though many things happened, the love for the 3 is always there even after we separated. and till now we are separated..

and finally, one side decided to give in. 2 of us meet up with them. we had fun. of course there is still awkwardness. i feel the love and the effort from them. i was happy. i miss them.. we all got a bit better.. i hope we will get better. when i thought all was well, something happens.

it just happens.. 2 hours ago. me and the one i loved with the gf and her. i got to found out they are gg batam in 2 weeks time without me. i was being hid from the truth. what was i feeling at the point of time.. the world came crashing, lots of emotional energy running through my body. i felt anger, i felt hurt, i felt left out, i felt sad, i felt the pain, i felt lost, i felt disappointed, i felt betrayed, i felt the world is fake, i felt that there's no more hope between us.. i left for home after the meal. i controlled my feelings. i portray that i was alright. this time round it was different. i'm the only one who is being left out. i felt alone. lonely. the effort i've put in all these years, gone. now even i have already known the truth, the wound is already there. and the decision is made.

as for now.. everybody is happy with each other. and i sincerely hope things will go better them. we still care, we still love.. they are like married couples going through separations. as for me, perhaps the journey has come to a junction, where the left is the dead end, the right with lots of trees fading out, or the straight where we will all continue our journey?