hahaha i'm happy:) found out something! hahahahahahaha. so proud of myself. even though it's not right=x back from phuket, back to reality, back to work, back to in need of money. i just got home bathed and relax on my bed not long ago and started using mac! hahahaha i miss mac! ok random. had supper just now. hais shit fattening!

alright updates from the phuket trips even though i know nobody will see this.. basically, if u need a place to chill and enjoy nightlife like nobody's business... phuket is the choice man! hahahahaha. DRINKING EVERYDAY! OMG. not only that. its DRINKING DAY AND NIGHT! lol so i'm very sick of alcohol now. anyway i found a relaxation. drinking and smoking while in the pool. and i mean drinking nice neat hard liquor. OMFG, its the SEX man! lol anyway lots of fun with ben, cpt ben, min xiu, jed, wei hao, aaron and most imptly, steph la. ayesssssss. having fun disturbing her. =x i miss thai food already. esp street food.. sobs sobs*

anyway, the trip made me realized something very important. we really are fortunate people. i mean each and every one of my friends out there. at our prime teenage times of 18-21, we are doing things that we enjoy, not a lot of troubles, doing anything that we want, buying this and that. i met a girl in phuket. not say met, went in to a strip club and ya... guess her age? she's only fucking 19! and she needs to follow guys back to hotel, pole dance, strip, topless.. all those u can think of la. wtf she is ONLY 19! didnt ask bout her background but how good can it be when u have this kind of job at the age of 19. i pity and respect her.. what were we doing when we are of her age?! studying... stress... work... its incomparable. we should be contended bout what we have now. stop complaining how difficult life is. learn to work hard for what u want in your future

this is story number 1.

i was on facebook. on the right column it has this part where it shows what's on this day in 2010. it showed me saying: am i kuku or what. how come i didnt notice my profile has ' I LOVE Geraldine Yap ' i smiled:) thinking that all these good memories shall be kept in my heart for as long as i can remember:)

cherish what you have now before it's long lost and long forgotten.

Back to the old peaceful and happy life like 2 years back:) I wouldn't say it is as fun, but at least I'm happy..

Many people out there are having troubles probably 10x worse as mine. But they carry on to live their life to the fullest and be happy everyday. So why shouldn't I? :)

It's hard to find that someone that is working of different line to understand my job scope.

same sentence..

people will just rmb your wrong doings and never remember your good:) its ok. i understand this is life.

after so many months of hanging out together, after so many happy moments together.. one is being misunderstood of taking advantage by the people you trust most, by the people you THOUGHT they know you most, by the people you love most, by the people who you concerned, by the people you share most:)

its alright.. being misunderstood. even though it doesnt feel good, and i hate it most. but i am used to it already. i can only say this is part and parcel of life.

i dont bother saying anymore.. what's the use of stating the fact when others just condemn you and say it's just explanations. what's the point when they already deem you as an actress?

when thing goes wrong, i chose to put down ego, step forward and admit it. but what's the use when nobody understands? to others, you already have been given the death sentence.

they just remember what good they did, and remember what fault you made. everyone is like this. 心魔

probably i dont even have the rights to say all these. cos i am that bastard and the one being chopped condemn and sentence to death.

p/s it takes 2 hands to clap












it hurts, it's piercing, it's bleeding...
but it's gonna be fine soon:) because i'm repairing it

yea, its true that happiness dont last long. cos when one keep dwelling on to that happiness feeling for too long, he or she is deceiving themselves as they forgot the problems that are surrounding them. people like me. knowing that the problem exist. but i lied to myself with happy moments spent with you. people said that one should be satisfied and not be demanding.. but how are you gg to be happy when u know u could get more out of everything you do? so maybe i should just slap myself up that she aint gonna be mine no matter how much i put in? or living a lie surrounded by happy moments and be happy? problems just surface one by one. seriously FUCK MY LIFE

i miss the happy me. or am i born dark

虚情假意

does shen li = problems? everytime problems seem to find me. finally releasing from my problems from work, then new problems come. ehhhhh u know very tiring leh. i'm so tired.. i'm not happy. but i must be happy so everyone around me can be happy. and that my life will be happier seeing people being happy. yes indeed its happier.. but now i'm tired, really tired. i feel like hiding back to my shell. lock myself up. blocking myself of everyone and everything. then one fine day when i'm full of energy, i'll come out. but till then, i hope that everyone is still there for me.. or maybe they left without me

Was on the phone last night.. I was asked 1 qn: when was the last time you truly felt happy, really happy? I got stunned. I couldn't answer that question. I wasn't living a life of my own. I was living someone elses life. I was so busy with people, with work that I forgot bout myself. It's been quite some time since I last asked myself questions, soul searching and being myself. I'm so lost now.. Don't know where to go, don't know what to do, don't know how I should feel.

I need someone who could unstd me.. I need a break

why do i always fail to control my emotions? and who really knows how i felt at that point of time? people always think that i throw tantrum. do they even thought of the reason behind everyone. in all eyes, I'm just a kid who doesn't know how fortunate i am blah blah blah.

everytime i lost control, i made ppl around me angry. after that i think bout it. i will try to cheer them up. cos i feel guilty, i felt that i should do something. but who will appreciate it? yes i am at fault, i should do something.   but has anyone thought of that i can dont do anything at all.

i know friends around me accommodate to me a lot.. but i dont know why i just feel not appreciated. ok maybe i have too high of an expectation, maybe i am just simply greedy. and maybe, i have dont done enough for everybody.

i wish that i am in the movie called Limitless. then i can have the pill. doing everything i want on my own. create miracles. remembering every word people says, everything i was told to do. then all will be perfect. i could even get the girl i always wanted. but nahs... its all fricton. *bomb* back to reality...

people are greedy.. i admit i am. somebody gives and i started wanting more. i know myself i can give back what i had asked for. but not everybody should give what i wanted. things just wont go my way cos i wanted them to be.

i am just not good enough for anybody..